José and The Birthday Bagel

PART I:

I have always wanted to be a super hero.  I know it sounds childish but I think, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve dreamed of being one too.  Granted, the type of hero I’ve fantasized about being has evolved over the years.  When I was young I prayed to be bitten by a radioactive spider and wore a cape under my clothes (I wish that was a lie…but it’s not).  Now I just wish I could be Jack Bauer from the show "24".  Recently, my imaginary world broke through and I discovered that I am, in fact, a super hero.  Unfortunately, my “super” name is Captain Failure. 

You see, last week was my wife’s birthday.  I can already hear the women readers groaning, digitally, through cyberspace.

In my favor: Last year I whisked her away on a surprise, romantic weekend. 

Not in my favor: This year she got a last minute, poorly made card and a birthday bagel.

Overall (and Laura will attest to this) I’m a good husband.  While it’s hard to find time, both of us still try to “date” each other (even after three kids and almost nine years of marriage).  I can say, with the utmost honesty, that I’m more in love with her now than I was when we met.  I can’t imagine being with anyone else.  She’s perfect for me.  So how did I make the jump from mild-mannered and bespectacled Adam to Captain Failure?  Here’s the story.

Both my family and I are spoiled by the fact that, in Nashville, I’m self-employed. This means several things:

1. Sweatpants and ratty t-shirt = acceptable work attire.

2. I get to be home as much as I want.  

Even though I travel, and am away for as much as a month at a time, my kids, my wife and I spend a lot of time with each other.  We genuinely love being together as a family.  So when we trek to Cape Cod for the summer, it’s a little bit of a shocker when Daddy has to go to the church office everyday.  That being said, we were all very excited when we discovered that my day off was on Laura’s birthday.  We had talked about what would be reasonable to spend this year (since last year was pretty extravagant) and she had said that we didn’t need to do anything.  She was just happy I had the day off.  And I believed her.

Now guys, before you start laughing at my apparent “newlywed” mistake, I have to defend my wife.  She is not a liar.  She says what she means.  And she really did mean it.  It was what she said AFTER that that began my slow descent into “failureness”. 

“All I want is a cake with candles.” 

Somehow, in those words, I heard, “All I want is to get away from the kids and be alone with you and have dessert.”  Which, for anyone less brain-challenged than I, is obviously NOT what she said. 

So we took Brehm to Vacation Bible School, and went to the beach with the other two kids.  Lunch was sweet and our children went down for a nap.  And so did I. 

Batman has The Bat Cave, Superman has that weird crystal place he goes to, and I have the downstairs bedroom.  The only difference is that I didn’t use my super hero cocoon to plan ways of fighting crime.  I used it to sleep away my chance to go to the store and make my bride’s one birthday wish come true.  And so I emerged in a groggy stupor with the transformation complete.  

Behold:  Captain Failure.

Once the kids woke up, Laura, tried, again, to get through to me.

“Now would be a great time to go do SOMETHING with the boys.” 

Which my super-sonic, decoder ears translated into, “I’d love a handmade card from you and the kids.”  So, faster than a speeding dump truck, I got the markers and headed downstairs with the boys.  We made cards, which she accepted graciously, and then we took her out to dinner. 

To a restaurant that doesn’t serve cake. 

When we got home, Brehm asked if we were going to have a cake for mommy.  Thinking quickly, I stuck an old Hanukah candle into a cinnamon bagel and we sang happy birthday.  The kids went to bed and I took Laura out for dessert.  When we got to the parking lot, she very sweetly said, “You’ve done everything but what I asked for.” 

Ouch.

 

PART II

I used to work at a school for the deaf and multiply handicapped.  I lived in the dorm with the residential kids and was, along with the other staff, a parent to them.  We got them up and off to school, we had dinner with them, we took them to activities and did all the things that they would have done if they had been home.  This also meant that discipline was an issue.  Enter José: Cute, affectionate and insanely manipulative.  The most common problem we had with him was this: When you asked him to do something he didn’t want to do he would smile, sign “I love you” and give you a huge, disarming hug.  And that’s what was wrong.  As sweet as the hug was, it wasn’t what I had asked of him.  He did everything but what I wanted.

 

PART III

I love my wife and was doing what I thought would make her happy, but I ignored what she actually said.  José was lovingly disobedient.  Saul was like that too.  For those of you who don’t know Saul, he was King of Israel just before King David (who most people know).  If you do know Saul, then you know he had a sad life.  He was famous for doing what seemed right to him regardless of what God said.  And so Samuel, the prophet, had to come knock some sense into him.  He said, “You keep making sacrifices thinking you’re making God happy, but you’re not obeying the simplest things he’s asked you to do!  Just obey!  That’s all He wants!” (1Sam 15:22 my paraphrase) 

And so Captain Failure had to do what Saul was told to do.

I had to repent. 

Literally.  I had to turn the car around and go in the opposite direction (which is what “repent” means).

Last week I wrote about how God’s been bringing me back to the basics.  This week is no different.  You see, in my attempts to live “Christianly” I’ve done a lot of things, good things mostly, that were not what God has asked of me.  I’ve given money when He wanted me to give myself (and vice versa).  I’ve sung loud songs when He wanted my silent worship.  I’ve worked long hours when He wanted me to enjoy Him in rest, and I’ve been self-righteous and spiritual when he wanted mercy, justice, and humility.  Still He says, very sweetly, “You’re doing everything but what I asked for.”  And so, by His grace, I’ve been turning my car around.