Security

I, like many men, have a super-spy fantasy. 

In this imaginary world, I appear to be an ordinary, mild-mannered citizen but underneath that innocuous exterior is a lethal, highly trained man of mystery and intrigue. 

While I know it’s a pretty common daydream, I admit that I’m a bit embarrassed about it. 

I’m embarrassed, partially because I’m a grown man with a ridiculous imagination and partially because, as anyone who knows me will attest, there is nothing lethal, highly trained, or mysterious about me.

But I’m working on that. 

Thus far, the efforts to increase my “spyness” have included:

1. Increasing the level of black in my wardrobe

2. Keeping my eyes opened for a good pair of sunglasses. 

3. Begging any friend who owns a gun to take me to the shooting range.

I know none of these things will have the CIA knocking on my door like, say, learning fluent Farsi, but, hey….I can hope. 

AGENT 1: “Mr. Moritz, come with us.  The President needs you.”

ME: “It’s about time!”

The problem with this fantasy is that, in recent years, I’ve become increasingly self-examining. And nothing ruins a good fantasy like asking yourself “why” you have it in the first place. 

It’s kind of like asking what’s in a hotdog. 

Once you know, you don’t enjoy eating them anymore.  

And so, for example, it’s not enough that I realize that I prefer Starbucks or I actually enjoy shooting guns. 

I have to ask myself “why” I like those things. 

Do I like overpriced coffee because I REALLY like it, or am I seeking some sort of identity in being seen holding a white cup with a green mermaid on it?

Do I REALLY like shooting with friends or am I seeking some sort of affirmation of my masculinity and the sense of personal security that a gun can bring? 

Truly, if left to my own devices, I’d make myself crazy because, like the Bible says, a man doesn’t even know his own heart. 

Only God does. 

And so, I’ve had to ask God to reveal my motivations to me…in all things.  And sometimes the answers God shows me are mixed. 

I actually do like Starbucks coffee and enjoy the ambience of the store. 

Yay!

But I also feel “rich” when I drink it and so I tend to crave it when things are tight financially and I want to pretend that they aren’t. 

Doh!

The same is true with guns. 

I truly do enjoy them.

Yay!

But part of the enjoyment is that they are an easy antidote for fear because they make me feel powerful and cool.

Doh!  Doh!

With both of those scenarios, the key is security. 

If I’m not careful, I can become a security junkie.

I like to feel comfortable, safe, and in control. 

I don’t like stress or difficulty. 

And, while I know that God is the ultimate source of security and refuge, too often I seek that elsewhere.

But the reality is that, whether it’s a cup of coffee, a firearm, a 401K, stylish clothes, or a President, if my sense of hope and security is in anything but God, it’s misplaced. 

And that’s a worship problem. 

That’s a trust problem. 

Now that I’ve gotten you all to be as neurotic as me about your choice of clothing and coffee let me say this:  None of the things I’ve mentioned are “bad” (for the record, I’m typing this as a wonderfully delusional Americano steams sweet nothings next to me). But I believe an essential part of being a follower of Jesus is that we ask Him these sorts of questions and then pay attention to the answer.  We need to allow the great lover of our souls to reveal the inner workings of our hearts, and then let Him bring healing so we can find our rest in Him.

And that’s where security is found.

Now if you’ll excuse me, the President needs me.